A contact/friend of mine on another site was brave enough to ask that dangerous question.."how old are the ladies here" with the following poem . what follows that is a poetic back and forth duel between said poet (Uncle Dunky) and myself. a classic kitty/dog fight completely off-the-cuff and un-planned.
D
I sing authentic rhythms to your avatar of choice
Unnatural yet genuine, I don’t know my own voice
Unrehearsed improvisation spoken from a stage
My practiced lines left useless, dear, until I know your age
If you’re a sweet spring blossom then such youth adds a dimension
I’ll speak from wisdom’s seat with just a dash of condescension
An aged oak with far-slung branches leads me to conversing
In quiet humble tones that lack my customary cursing
If gods have heard my prayers, and we, contemporary, are
Then bouquets of flirtation flower from my repertoire
I know the parts – respectful, suitor, father-figure sage
But I can’t act on any if you won’t tell me your age!
Perhaps that is the secret to the friendship we have grown
No carefully chosen character, the voice is mine alone
And as I’ve gained this voice my choice of words have gotten bolder
That’s very wise of you, and Ha! – That must mean that you’re older.
S
and here I gave my age without a pause
a cougar or a kitten with sharp claws
I think you have committed a faxpause
you broke the biggest daddy of all laws!
D
That law, I think it needed to be tested,
And me, too old to ever get arrested
Perhaps I simply wanted to be bitten
Such fun to be pounced on by every kitten
S
kittens pounce with claws extended
your skin may end up over-vented
cougars hide ‘neath kitten eyes
i fear you’ll meet with swift demise!
D
You bat me round like ball of string
Unraveled by your kitten scorn
And scratched for such a little thing?
To dare to ask when you were born
A cat-nip question, that I’ve found
I’m glad this site comes not with sound!
S
i chuckle at your innuendo
imply my date of birth – concern
don’t play it off like no comprendo
for catty-claws are sharp! you’ll learn
a woman’s beauty is not judged
by stated age – however fudged
D
Oh Sinfull, would you please re-sheath your claws
How many scratches must a man endure?
You liked the poem, the clappies mean applause
Oh Sinfull, would you please re-sheath your claws
Your bitty scratches covered up in gauze
I would not want you seen as immature
Oh Sinfull, would you please re-sheath your claws
How many scratches must a man endure?
S
Rest-assured dear dunky I’m de-clawed
that doesn’t mean you haven’t met your match
although your ballsy question leaves me awed
Rest-assured dear dunky I’m de-clawed
you must have feared they’d soon get razor-sawed
and I inflicted ought but kitten scratch
Rest-assured dear dunky I’m de-clawed
that doesn’t mean you haven’t met your match
D
Hard to believe those dainty nails you’d shear
Those pretty polished claws upon your hand
In truth it is your bite that I most fear
Your jawing bite of wit can be severe
Compared to nails, a gentler reprimand
Hard to believe those dainty nails you’d shear
Your hands as gentle as a gondolier
Who slowly poles her boat away from land
In truth it is your bite that I most fear
Barbed bites come fast and quick like auctioneer
While nails I kind of like and can withstand
Hard to believe those dainty nails you’d shear
Your words reloaded from your bandolier
Leave bite mark bullet holes mouthed on command
In truth it is your bite that I most fear
Rebuked by villanelle for all to hear
Give up? I think your friends would understand
Hard to believe those dainty nails you’d shear
In truth it is your bite that I most fear
S
how like a man to fall for fluffy fur
like cute and cudley kittens don’t have claws
you’re right to fear the bite beneath the purr
my wit is sharp, it’s sting you will endure
my words will slice like talons on my paws
how like a man to fall for fluffy fur
your bark a boast, and you a mangy curr
forgetting I can shred you with these jaws
you’re right to fear the bite beneath the purr
with cat-like grace I stalk, my footing sure
these kitten’s dainty nails become sharp saws
how like a man to fall for fluffy fur
and like a man, the cat box you must stir
I perforate your flesh with justly cause
you’re right to fear the bite beneath the purr
so face your fate or flee if you prefer
(and we will all forgive your grave fauxpaus)
how like a man to fall for fluffy fur
you’re right to fear the bite beneath the purr
D
This mangey cur went sniffing round the site
His tail a-wagging, friendly little mutt
Much more inclined to lick then give a bite
‘Till he encountered cat with bristling strut
The hero of this tale (the dog) did trot
Unwary of the claws behind her toes
In friendly fashion, sniffed hello, then SWAT
She sunk her claws into his tender nose
Then wolf-genes sprang to fore to set things right
His nose in pain for curiousity
The kitten ran from his ferocious bite
In barking rhyme he chased her up a tree
Stuck in a tree, she sits with kitten frown
‘Till firemen show up to get her down
S
I fear your friendly firemen found no cat
although they shook each leafy branch they searched
the clever kitty climbed away and sat
upon the doggy house is where she perched
while fido hung his hound head just below
and settled in the sun to snatch a snooze
his wagging tale was waving to and fro
while kitty purred and plotted her next moves
now poised to pounce
no padded paws
extended tips of razor claws
fearsome fangs and flattened ears
edge of rooftop quickly nears
she leaps!
a hissing kitty hawk
and smacks into an unseen rock
a wittle woozy kitten fails
to conquer mighty mongrel tails
D
what’s this found wriggling in my water bowl
a kitten cat sad sorry soaking wet
the same one I had chased up yonder pole
I think she lives in distant villanette
might be a kitten or a full grown cat
so hard to tell when waterlogged and soaked
I shall not ask a question such as that
I would not want the cat to be provoked
a subtle sniff
a whimper whine
a doggy smile that hopes you’re fine
little lick to dry your fur
friendship from this mangey cur
she purrs!
I give a happy yap
she settles down to take a nap
each needed found a furry friend
this comment war is at an end
I think that this is somewhat purr-verse…dogs drool, cats rule, claws rip, dogs drip, MEOWSA that was awesome- you know how to make ‘em take back their words, don’t you? Now who is top dog? THE WIDDLE KITTY she is so witty- and at any age will stay "MOST PRETTY’ even those who never see her will kill to either possess or BE her… I think I’ll go work on a villanelle. SINspiration has commenced.
Thanks, I needed to see that personal interplay shared with the gawkers and gougers of all things cat and/or cougar! I’m rather inclined to shift into feline, and when I hear a caterwaul, I throw my own Jellicle Ball!
Hey! I bet you have MOONLIT EYES!
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