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Archive for the "Left Handed Shears" Category
He then took the glass in his hand and threw it at me. I felt the sharp edges shatter across my face. It cracked open my head, kicking me to the ground with brute force. Tears washed away my blood and knowing how much my Papa hated me. This wasn’t love. I could hear the pounding of my heart echoing through my ears. His boots pounded a rhythmic nightmare until he was standing over my carcass. I kept my eyes shut because I didn’t want to see what was coming next.
I felt gripping hands around my dress collar and his shear strength pull me up, only to drag me back down. He pummeled my face until it was black and blue; I couldn’t even feel anything anymore. I swore in that minute, my heart had stopped beating I was so terrified. The sound of moaning had drowned out the sounds of Mama’s screams.
When Papa tired, he got up off the floor and went upstairs to his bedroom. I couldn’t even see through what was left of my eyes anymore. I squinted over at Mama to see her crying in terror for what she had just seen. Her maternal instinct must have kicked in, because somehow she managed to pick me up off the floor. She struggled to carry my whole limp body out to the car. But she knew that she had to get me out of that situation. Her adrenalin kicked in as she laid what was left of me in the back seat and drove me to the hospital. Hell hath no fury.
This is what’s known as ‘purple prose’ –
You’ve talked a lot about what’s going on, but you haven’t made me feel any of it – it’s as though you were standing across the room describing something, rather than actually feeling it. if you’re going to write in first person, you have to go all the way.
Try it again, and this time share what was happening, what you were feeling, with your reader. Don’t just tell them, but take them there with you.
For example:
"He then took the glass in his hand and threw it at me. I felt the sharp edges shatter across my face."
That’s pretty bland. I want her to see the glass, see him raise it and see it coming toward he. And I want to feel the edge of the glass against her face. I don’t know where those sharp edges are coming from, because a glass doesn’t have sharp edges. It has to hit her face first, before it can shatter and even that is unlikely, because the padding of skin and fat on the face would cushion the glass. It would break when it dropped to the floor.
It cracked open my head. Really? What did that feel like? What sound did the glass make when it hit? Did it hurt? Was there an instant headache? Or was she numbed by the blow? Did she see stars? Or black out?
There’s potential here, but you have to work at it.
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Im thinking of getting a pair of small shears either on the outside of the top of my hand OR between my thumb and first finger on the top of my hand.
Which would u suggest (look best)? I know its personal preference, I just want to see what others think as well.
1 hour ago – 4 days left to answer.
I think between your thumb and first finger would look really cool! 
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