expedition
now,it is time to take a glimpse on their hometown.
their hometown,a ravishing county located in southern England,evolved from a borough of southern England on the English Channel opposite the Isle of Wight,Chartered in 1194,after centeries of urban sprawl and distention in demography,it devoloped into a city of 187,900 at 2001 census. in 18centries, profitting from aggressive corporations epitomized by East Indian company, its sea transportation flourished. Simon's father,was runing this business in this seaport———– Poutsmouth
2 years ago
"I won't accord with you absolutely!" A middle aged man snarled in parlor. Alexander,Simon's father,was a dictator in household with protuberant belly,his paunchy stature brought him great prestige and authority. in adjacency,a boy(Freddie)of deference with a downcast eyesight clenched his fists and lip in mute. Standing sideward,a florid noblewoman with equanimity hearkened to his husband who was really peeved.
an adolescent,seemed enraged also,counterpunched athrill:"that is my choice!not yours!"
"perhaps he can pick up commerce trade after he graduated"the noblewoman broken in.
"abeyance often adumbrate never,I would never expect a roc's egg. " Alexander was adament.
suddenly,the doorbell rang. after Freddie open it,a strapping old man with mink coat and marten hat step in. thought he snuffed tension,he butted in:"I really got something big to confide with".
with a sigh,Alexander lull himself:"lock him in his tiny cabin. leave him reflecting. Freddie,spy on him".
shelved this touchy topic,Simon be back in his cabin escorted by Freddie. then he plunged into mattress,beried his head into quilt,tried to be isolated. several minutes later, mother came in. with great femininity,she squeezed his hands:"my son,as your mother. I was obliged to acquaint you with your accountability for TINDER company and our lineage inherited from ancestor. I do quite understand it's torturous to abjure your favor also. I accede to your pursuit,if your really find your dream,and adhere to what you opine is right,I will take your side!"
juvenile was a phase that abominated anyone who admonish him. this willful malcontent need to be humoured and respected. thus,Simon felt much better now.
Edgar was the elder sibling of Alexander,running an ocean shiping firm also. they were adversary in business,but steadfast brotherhood. in sanctum,Edgar slurred :"we got a situation here,recent audit in ledger wasn't tally with officer side. custom detained our freight,somehow the office collators malingered in our inquiries. I mean,perhaps it foreshowed something baleful was impending. "
"do you imply someone stymie our transaction!" .
Edgar shruged: "far from easy,if retardment remain unsolved,the provisory clause stipulated loading inspection accordingly if we defer our delivery,we were behoved for indemnity,and rescind all our the contracts and debts with East India. I would feel someone dignitary pull wires?"
"maybe. . . !"
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
when it was time for dinner,Simon devoured ravenously for tiff. in a awkward silence,Alexander converted his attitude without any portent:"I mean,if you stickle,I concede!"
Simon was the rarely fledgling who won his combat with stringent hierachical society. with his father's acquiescence after the conclave,he can set out for his dream aboveboard inspite of his solicitous kin.
but,now,this once vowed augustly cub end up in flunking out,it was really an vitriolic skit.
———–
still the moisty of twilight remains opacity,peddlers already got back to work. Simon and Freddie arrived in dockyard terminal. daily commute in agora showed indifference on their arrival. still they don’t mind,they just need to find their way home,and mom would catered to every need considerately.
but when they arrived the gate,they got an experience they would never preconceived.
with mitten and scarf peeped over the hinge,a tousy-hair mistress answered in throaty voice:"who are you asking?"
suppressed his amazement:"I am Simon,the son of this apartment's owner!"
"sorry,your mother impawned it to me!"then seemed try to liquidate her lien: interests accrued at a rate of 1. 2% and in all my count tells me your mother now own me 2546 pounds. "she couldn't articulated every syllable,seemed due to the rheum epidemic.
"there must be something wrong!is she left me any message?"
"uh,hold there. " she then delivered a new address.
in their hallway of new home,a middleaged tailoress was raptted in weaving at wooden stool,a skill hand snipped thrum in scissors craftily. not until the footsteps prompted her to raises her head,ecstasy pervaded her:"my son,it is so nice to meet you again!"
with great consternation,he spotted hi
Ever heard of subtlety? Your first paragraph is just fact upon fact upon fact upon fact, in writing facts don't matter, no one cares about the 2001 census whilst reading a book.
If you must insert facts have them subtly placed in your story, rather abstractly so that we can make up our minds about the facts, we don't want to be told them.
Secondly, you need to work on your grammar, capitalisation, full stops, commas, semi-colons, hyphens, colons, and many more, they're your friends, use them to your advantage, they can add to your story, not take away from it.
The overuse of large words is excessive and verging on annoying. Most people do not understand the meaning of all of these words. Your readers currently lack the ability to empathise or care about your characters. Apathetic readers are not good.
Some of this, however, does show promise, you have talent, but you are directing it in the wrong way, you need to re-evaluate your writing style, try more writing styles, read more, experiment with styles and literature and then come back.
In short – This shows promise, but it needs A LOT of work, just about everything in it needs re-written. Do keep writing, but try different styles.
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